Escapecraft

Holding a Tea Cup:
In order for one not to spill the hot liquid onto oneself, the proper way to hold the vessel of a cup with no handle is to place one’s thumb at the six o'clock position and one’s index and middle fingers at the twelve o'clock position, while gently raising one’s pinkie up for balance.

Tea cups with a handle are held by placing one’s fingers to the front and back of the handle with one’s pinkie up again allows balance.

Never wave or hold your tea cup in the air. When not in use, place the tea cup back in the tea saucer.

If you are at a buffet tea hold the tea saucer in your lap with your left hand and hold the tea cup in your right hand. When not in use, place the tea cup back in the tea saucer and hold in your lap. The only time a saucer is raised together with the teacup is when one is at a standing reception.

Pinkies Up:
Originally, all porcelain teacups were made in China, starting around 620 A.D. These small cups had no handles. In order for one not to spill the hot liquid onto oneself, the proper way to hold the vessel was to place one's thumb at the six o'clock position and one's index and middle fingers at the twelve o'clock position, while gently raising one's pinkie up for balance.

Pinkie up does mean straight up in the air, but slightly tilted. It is not an affectation, but a graceful way to avoid spills. Never loop your fingers through the handle, nor grasp the vessel bowl with the palm of your hand.

Using Teaspoons:
Do not stir your tea, with your teaspoon, in sweeping circular motions.

Place your tea spoon at the six o'clock position and softly fold the liquid towards the twelve o'clock position two or three times.

Either place the iced teaspoon on the side of another plate or ask the server or hostess to remove the spoon from the table. Never leave the spoon in the glass especially when actually drinking your tea.

Serving Tea:
Milk is served with tea, not cream. Cream is too heavy and masks the taste of the tea. Although some pour their milk in the cup first, it is probably better to pour the milk in the tea after it is in the cup in order to get the correct amount.

Remove the tea bag from the cup and place it on a side saucer or in a slop bowl. Do not use the string to wrap around or squeeze the tea bag.

When serving lemon with tea, lemon slices are preferable, not wedges. Either provide a small fork or lemon fork for your guests, or have the tea server can neatly place a slice in the tea cup after the tea has been poured. Be sure never to add lemon with milk since the lemon's citric acid will cause the proteins in the milk to curdle.

Drinking Tea:
Do not use your tea to wash down food. Sip, don’t slurp, your tea and swallow before eating.

There is nothing written on the hazards of tea-drinking in this guide, and thus I find it to be inadequate. I will aid you.


Preventing Tea-Related Accidents

Drinking tea is a popular pastime for many different cultures, however, as we all know drinking tea without the proper training, experience and equipment can be a dangerous activity. This post will instruct you in the art of drinking tea in the safest, and consequently most fun way possible.

The Equipment

As a licensed and professional instructor in tea-drinking, I know the importance of having the right gear for drinking this dangerous herbal concoction, because no matter how prepared you are, you will require officially approved equipment by the Extreme Tea Drinkers Association (ETDA) to stay safe in the face of great peril.

Your glove will need to be able to resist high levels of heat commonly found in this devilish drink as well as be able to sustain the grip needed to keep your tea cup in an elevated position. As such I recommend a well-padded, extra reinforced motorcycling glove, made to be able to resist most damage inflicted during not only vehicle accidents, but some tea-drinking accidents.



However, for full protection I recommend our official Tea Drinker Hazard Suit. This exoskeleton of pure titanium is fitted with top of the line hydraulic limb power, a self-sufficient power source able to power a small city and advanced medical technology with the ability to revive enough rockstars from their graves to start a wicked sick undead rock band that would revolutionize today's views on undead musicians, should the need arise.



Of course, there's no way to prevent certain death from a full on tea-spill accident. Most of this is to enforce self-confidence, to be perfectly honest with you.

Keeping Calm

What my vastly inexperienced colleague failed to convey to you is that you may, under the great burden and stresses of handling one of the most dangerous concoctions man has ever spawned in the deepest, most depraved laboratories known in existence, it is very possible that your will may falter and you may lose your grip or even start to uncontrollably lose your ability to keep your tea cup stabilized in your hand. This is documented to be one of the biggest killers of mankind worldwide, dwarfing runners up such as Coffee-related accidents and Religion.

You must stay resolute. Forces of nature have bent to the malevolent will of tea and only after several years of meditation, self-discovery and inner peace can you even hope to achieve the mental level needed to sustain a calm mind holding a cup of this vile, evil brew. Only Buddhist monks of the most elite orders, taking a vow of silence from moments after birth may ever achieve a level where they may regularly drink tea. Luckily, you will only have to spend at least ten to fifteen years inside a locked room, without any communication with the outside world and with only minimal food supplies to to achieve a sufficient level of inner peace required to drink a full cup of this horrible liquid known to the mortal man as "Tea".


Buddhist Monks who have trained for their entire lives to drink tea.


A master of the arts.

You must also be ready for the consequences, provided that you survive the devouring of your very first cup of tea and managed not to make any great errors, your mind will be torn asunder, rendered and you will be left a lifeless husk of what once was a human being of below-average intelligence. I'm not kidding, there are worse things than being dead, and this is one of them. Legends say that Greek gods would punish blasphemers and lawyers by forcing them to consume this god-awful, death drug that somehow was legalized in this world. The lucky ones are blessed with instant death upon their first sip. Seriously, I cannot even fathom why people choose to drink this.

Remember my vastly inferior colleague's tip on how to drink tea? It's essential knowledge.

Ninjawoman wrote:Drinking Tea:
Do not use your tea to wash down food. Sip, don’t slurp, your tea and swallow before eating.

And now you know how to keep the art of tea-drinking both safe, and fun despite the odds! Remember to stay in school and for god's sake don't drink this evil concoction of pure death and malevolence.

______________________________

Happy 1000th post, bitches.

Brilliant. Thankyou, Master.

Rare documented footage of tea related hazards.

SneakyPie wrote:

Rare documented footage of tea related hazards.

OH my! I was not aware... all these years of ignorance. I could've really hurt myself...

Time to study up

Australian tea etiquette.