Some advice please.

[Blackadder51]

My Ex and I broke up almost a year ago, she claimed that I was rather clingy, had no hope for a future, and was taking her for granted. Something at the time I thought was not at all possible, however a year on I was reminded of this fact when i was listening to some music when "our song"came on and a certain stir of emotions came back. I look back now with only regret and sorrow for my actions and feel inclined to make them right. She was not only my girlfriend but my best friend and I lost that in one afternoon and to be honest I do miss her company dearly and I would hate to end on such a bad note. It is a shame that it took nearly a year to figure this out.

Anyway, I plan to send her an email expressing my sorrow and explaining in-depth what I just have told you. That I honestly am sorry for what I was and now see the error of my ways. It shall not be a please come back to me email, no not at all. Just something to hopefully end on more of a positive note and perhaps garner her friendship again.

However, after so long would such contact be wise? Would it make the situation worse to send something saying that I am sorry for being a jerk, or would it be wise to just drop it, leave it and carry on so I do not sound like a creepy stalker
it took nearly a year to figure this out.

Anyway, I plan to send her an email expressing my sorrow and explaining in-depth what I just have told you. That I honestly am sorry for what I was and now see the error of my ways. It shall not be a please come back to me email, no not at all. Just something to hopefully end on more of a positive note and perhaps garner her friendship again.

However, after so long would such contact be wise? Would it make the situation worse to send something saying that I am sorry for being a jerk, or would it be wise to just drop it, leave it and carry on so I do not sound like a creepy stalker

[SneakyPie]

Welcome!

If you don contact her, do it in the most personal way possible. In person may be too difficult, so a phone call would be your best bet. You're putting more on the line than you would in an email, with situations like this you don't anything to go wrong as she could misinterpret tone by reading words.

As to whether or not you should do it, answer me this. Would you rather do it and find out for sure that it's over or find you two can have another chance, or would you rather do nothing and always wonder about it in the future?

Wounds heal, regrets don't.

[Lord_Mountbatten]

A man of some refinement it appears - always welcome in here.

And in the realms of advice, I would recommend what Sneaky said - actions over thoughts.

[DuplicateValue]

Hey there!

November you say? Is your Minecraft name the same as on here?

Also, yeah I agree with Sneaky in that an email is probably most definitely not the way to go.
Just give her a ring, ask her if she wants to get a drink (or coffee, whatever suits) to catch up, just as friends.

[Milo_Windby]

Hello and Greetings =D

[wokka1]

I would also advise to try once, and if she is not receptive, don't keep trying, thats never a good idea. It shows desparation. One good attempt and see where the cards fall.

[nart_21086]

If in doubt, Leave it.

applicable to most of life.

[Zinrius]

Never regret what you've done in life, only what you have not.

[makkaal]

Hello there!

Personally, I have made the experience that it very much depends on what this person you try to contact is like. Is she resentful? How did you go apart (was it after a drawn out fight, after a long time of suffering, was it very abrupt and tough?)? Did she offer you a chance to get back together?
Another important factor would be your own goal, since this is something you probably should do in very few cases. This is the base of my thoughts here because it seems you haven't really sorted this out for yourself.

One could be to get the two of you back together. In this case, I would agree with DuplicateValue - call her. It's personal, and you get an immediate response. Of course, the risks are high of making things worse for you. To be honest, if this is the case, I would not contact her, but that is just me and I don't know this girl. You two already shared time together and it did not work out, and since both you and her have changed after this time, nobody could tell whether you would still be a match. This could turn out to be a huge problem, since in this case, you would most likely expect to have the same, but better, relationship, which in turn will most likely not happen. Of course, things might be too late and she may have found someone else. After all, a year is a very long time.
Then again, of course there is the chance she might reconsider because she missed you and being with you.
I personally would advise against this option, though, because I made the experience that past relationships should be left there - in the past.

Another one could be redemption, which is what I understand from your post is what you desire.
In that case, sort out your emotions, write a letter, explaining them. The key here would be not to expect anything, not even a response, but to get it all out. Apologize but don't ask for forgiveness, for it may never come and your wounds wouldn't heal (since the healing would be dependent on her).

However, you should keep one thing in mind: you do not have anything to lose if you do contact her, neither do you if you don't - as long as you don't expect everything to be dandy afterwards apart from feeling better that you got this off your chest.

Lastly, and more importantly, you need to sort things out for yourself. Was she right? If she was, have you changed? If not, what can you do to achieve this change? This matter should not be of interest to her, though, but to you.

Thing is, I don't want to give you advice on whether to contact her or not. I would rather give you advice on how to handle your emotions. People make bad decisions, but people also learn and develop. You should remind yourself of this and be content. If you have learned from a bad experience, then there's no need to dwell on it.
My point is: Your salvation is not and should never be at the mercy of somebody else. You are your own savior, always will be.

As a short summary: First, ask yourself why you want to contact her in the first place, then figure out whether it is an appropriate goal or whether you would make peace with yourself. If you have answers to these three questions, it will be much easier to answer your latter question of contacting her. Again: You don't lose anything if you do, neither if you don't.

[Blackadder51]

Wow, that was a brilliant post and really has me thinking now, I was going to call her this weekend but I have deleted it also I assume she moved after school as thats what she always wanted to do. Go to Canberra and study. Hence why I suggested the email,

I am not to sure whether you wanted me to answer the questions in the first paragraph , or not but I know what It is that I want.

Thank you for this, I have a lot more to think about now but it will be for the best I hope.

Also, yes I am Somnium my pride got the better of me and I could not admit it. I am sorry to play you all like that but I had to.

[DuplicateValue]

I.... Wha-?

Didn't see that one coming. (Somnium didn't use the word 'shit' or mention strippers even once! )

Well best of luck Black, whatever you decide to do about it.

[Skunk_Giant]

I guess I'm late to the party, but as Dupe said, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[makkaal]

Hm. I have to admit, Somnium did seem kind of phoney, but I attributed that to him just being very definite on his character and background in a post like this which had nothing to do with his problem. Then again, it didn't have anything to do with his problem.

I hope those causes for thought will help you sort things out, Black.Those questions in the first paragraph are also rather food for thought than anything of substance, because in the end, they don't matter. If you didn't jump, going, "Yeah, after 1 1/2 years she was still angry at me for not giving her that piece of gum that one day", they really shouldn't.

Oh, and by the way - you won't sound like a creepy stalker if you just leave it at that one case of contact with the option of staying in touch. As long as she keeps the freedom to choose differently, it's all good.

Well best of luck Black, whatever you decide to do about it.

qft.

[Darktaint]

PLOT TWIST :O
Always like a good plot twist, Seeing as I'm late to the party but I'd say go for it, I know makkaal expressed that it could make things worse but the opposite could happen, if you were good friends before you were with each other then there's a good chance she feels the same way you do and she's in the same predicament of been too worried/scared to call or email you. So go ahead there's no harm in trying everything once and it lets you get closure if she tells you to f off as well

[Blackadder51]

Im going to send the email. Like right now

[SneakyPie]

Don't do an email.

Seriously do a phone call.

[Blackadder51]

I deleted her number.

Edit: All done, jsut got to hit send lol :/

[SneakyPie]

Well all I can say is to be realistic with your expectations.

Unfortunately in my case, being realistic = pessimistic expectations.

Never get your hopes up when it comes to these things.

[Blackadder51]

I have not got my hopes up for a long time. Life be bettter that way.

Edit: Sent.....

[Skunk_Giant]

/me crosses fingers

[Sir_Luke]

Oh boy, all you can do now is anticipate the good times you'll have in the future!

[Lord_Mountbatten]

[Blackadder51]

An update, its been a bit over a month since i sent it and nothing.

Just want to say thanks for the help and advice, means a lot.

[DuplicateValue]

Shit happens, at least you did your best.

It's much better than regretting not taking the chance.

[Skunk_Giant]

Only just realised there was an update.
Sorry to hear that Black, but don't worry about it. As Dupe said, the fact that you tried is what matters most.