Escapecraft

The Escapecraft Marketing Team wrote:Hey you! Do you like lifting huge triangular weights? Well then this most certainly isn't the right place for lifting triangles. What you need is a back scratching panda bear. Now available in pink and translucent high street retailers. Which means nowhere. Try the ShamWow for instant results! It *could* clean anything you want for 17 easy baby sacrifices to your friendly neighbourhood gypsum manufacturer.

But there's more! Order 17 easy payments and receive a free vet insurance and a tinted sculpture of Lord_Mountbatten and his lovely luxury yacht. Be happy or else you fat fuck! We'll even throw in a bucket and a midget.

HEY NEKO, do you like American cheese covered cheese because if you like to golf, have we got the deal for the cousin of Superman! Call now and kidnap Boris for your chance to lose your right to freedom. Come on down to Al's Discount deat cat emporium and get yourself the latest in dead cats and dead cat accessories. We'll even throw dead cats at a healing wizard, who is called Tim the Enchanter.

This weekend, get FRESH, REAL AMERICAN tacos. They are greasy and delicious for your body and your soul. Local strip clubs contain over 200 taco venders and over 9000 living cats for cheap taco meat. You monsters, why wouldn't you buy our panda-loving tacos? Help save more then three by donating $3 and a car! Get satisfaction today with extra tacos and cat entrails.

Don't forget, we offer discounts for all but your horribly annoying children. We hate EA because vowels suck. Vowels suck because they don't have girlfriends like consonants. In conclusion, tacos!

This product will not have tacos. No tacos whatsoever! At least 1 overly ripened banana, but no tacos. We hate tacos so very much that we concluded tacos are long, run-on sentences. All rights reserved. Why have you hurt so many delicious panda bears? You do realize that they fry eggs for you if asked politely, right? LOOK OUT IT'S LORD MOUNTBATTEN REVIEWING OUR PRODUCTS!

Lord Mountbatten: "Substandard, lacking in energy, and suspiciously beige." Another satisfied customer! Sti's pants are not as good as these AMAZING SHAMMYS FROM SHAMWOW, but Mountbatten's are! Television television sports. This dog is television, TV TV is this dog. New motion-capture techniques allow us to view motion-capture dogs and pet them! Use Kinect to do creepy things!

Have you ever eaten a thing?! No, I'm actually not only a carnivore, but also a lonely llama who eats babies. Where can I buy another pirated copy of Kinectimals? Steve's Discount Computers! So haul your stinky, smelly reeing gentlemanly sea mammals and/or trees off their arses and force them to pay rent. To suck your wallet dry, try while NOT underwater.

Thou who doseth useth olde English wouldst benefit from ye olde tavern and burger king becauseth of thy lisp. You see, Peter Piper picked a Super Pepper™, for the small Earl of Burma...