Three Word Commercials!

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haxxorzd00d
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Three Word Commercials!

Post by haxxorzd00d » 04 Jun 2013, 05:06

A friend and I got tired of making three-word stories and thought we'd try commercials instead. It was much more fun! Let's do it!

Edit by Invun: I felt like compiling our story so far... because I can. Rejoice!
The Escapecraft Marketing Team wrote:Hey you! Do you like lifting huge triangular weights? Well then this most certainly isn't the right place for lifting triangles. What you need is a back scratching panda bear. Now available in pink and translucent high street retailers. Which means nowhere. Try the ShamWow for instant results! It *could* clean anything you want for 17 easy baby sacrifices to your friendly neighbourhood gypsum manufacturer.

But there's more! Order 17 easy payments and receive a free vet insurance and a tinted sculpture of Lord_Mountbatten and his lovely luxury yacht. Be happy or else you fat fuck! We'll even throw in a bucket and a midget.

HEY NEKO, do you like American cheese covered cheese because if you like to golf, have we got the deal for the cousin of Superman! Call now and kidnap Boris for your chance to lose your right to freedom. Come on down to Al's Discount deat cat emporium and get yourself the latest in dead cats and dead cat accessories. We'll even throw dead cats at a healing wizard, who is called Tim the Enchanter.

This weekend, get FRESH, REAL AMERICAN tacos. They are greasy and delicious for your body and your soul. Local strip clubs contain over 200 taco venders and over 9000 living cats for cheap taco meat. You monsters, why wouldn't you buy our panda-loving tacos? Help save more then three by donating $3 and a car! Get satisfaction today with extra tacos and cat entrails.

Don't forget, we offer discounts for all but your horribly annoying children. We hate EA because vowels suck. Vowels suck because they don't have girlfriends like consonants. In conclusion, tacos!

This product will not have tacos. No tacos whatsoever! At least 1 overly ripened banana, but no tacos. We hate tacos so very much that we concluded tacos are long, run-on sentences. All rights reserved. Why have you hurt so many delicious panda bears? You do realize that they fry eggs for you if asked politely, right? LOOK OUT IT'S LORD MOUNTBATTEN REVIEWING OUR PRODUCTS!

Lord Mountbatten: "Substandard, lacking in energy, and suspiciously beige." Another satisfied customer! Sti's pants are not as good as these AMAZING SHAMMYS FROM SHAMWOW, but Mountbatten's are! Television television sports. This dog is television, TV TV is this dog. New motion-capture techniques allow us to view motion-capture dogs and pet them! Use Kinect to do creepy things!

Have you ever eaten a thing?! No, I'm actually not only a carnivore, but also a lonely llama who eats babies. Where can I buy another pirated copy of Kinectimals? Steve's Discount Computers! So haul your stinky, smelly reeing gentlemanly sea mammals and/or trees off their arses and force them to pay rent. To suck your wallet dry, try while NOT underwater.

Thou who doseth useth olde English wouldst benefit from ye olde tavern and burger king becauseth of thy lisp. You see, Peter Piper picked a Super Pepper™, for the small Earl of Burma...

Hey you! Do

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Sti_Jo_Lew
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Sti_Jo_Lew » 04 Jun 2013, 10:40

you like lifting
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haxxorzd00d
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by haxxorzd00d » 04 Jun 2013, 10:47

huge triangular weights?

Flux04
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Flux04 » 04 Jun 2013, 11:01

Well then this
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Lord_Mountbatten
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Lord_Mountbatten » 04 Jun 2013, 11:06

most certainly isn't
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Flux04
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Flux04 » 04 Jun 2013, 11:08

the right place
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Sti_Jo_Lew
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Sti_Jo_Lew » 04 Jun 2013, 11:24

for lifting triangles.
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haxxorzd00d
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by haxxorzd00d » 04 Jun 2013, 11:54

What you need

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Lord_Mountbatten
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Lord_Mountbatten » 04 Jun 2013, 12:08

is a back
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Sti_Jo_Lew
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Sti_Jo_Lew » 04 Jun 2013, 12:14

scratching panda bear.
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haxxorzd00d
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by haxxorzd00d » 04 Jun 2013, 12:21

Now available in

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Sti_Jo_Lew
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Sti_Jo_Lew » 04 Jun 2013, 12:31

pink and translucent.
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Tehbeard
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Tehbeard » 04 Jun 2013, 14:13

High street retailers.
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Lord_Mountbatten
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Lord_Mountbatten » 04 Jun 2013, 14:43

Which means nowhere.
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Invunarble
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Invunarble » 04 Jun 2013, 15:09

Try the ShamWow
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"The roses are red, but Invunarble is blue. Hit him with a puma." - Vallorn
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"Baked fucking potato" - Lord Mountbatten, 2014

haxxorzd00d
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by haxxorzd00d » 04 Jun 2013, 15:11

for instant results!

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Invunarble
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Invunarble » 04 Jun 2013, 15:13

It *could* clean
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"The roses are red, but Invunarble is blue. Hit him with a puma." - Vallorn
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"Baked fucking potato" - Lord Mountbatten, 2014

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TyrasEngineer
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by TyrasEngineer » 04 Jun 2013, 15:15

anything you want
"My ship! My booty! My collection of autographed sextants! All gone!"
-Guybrush Threepwood
"I'm the pizza delivery dude! The dude with the food!"
-Pepper Roni
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Invunarble
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Invunarble » 04 Jun 2013, 15:17

for 17 easy
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"The roses are red, but Invunarble is blue. Hit him with a puma." - Vallorn
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"Baked fucking potato" - Lord Mountbatten, 2014

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Sti_Jo_Lew
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Sti_Jo_Lew » 04 Jun 2013, 15:28

baby sacrifices to
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TyrasEngineer
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by TyrasEngineer » 04 Jun 2013, 15:39

your friendly neighbourhood
"My ship! My booty! My collection of autographed sextants! All gone!"
-Guybrush Threepwood
"I'm the pizza delivery dude! The dude with the food!"
-Pepper Roni
Image

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Lord_Mountbatten
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Lord_Mountbatten » 04 Jun 2013, 15:55

gypsum manufacturer. But
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TyrasEngineer
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by TyrasEngineer » 04 Jun 2013, 15:59

there's more! Order
"My ship! My booty! My collection of autographed sextants! All gone!"
-Guybrush Threepwood
"I'm the pizza delivery dude! The dude with the food!"
-Pepper Roni
Image

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Invunarble
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Invunarble » 04 Jun 2013, 16:01

17 easy payments
Image
"The roses are red, but Invunarble is blue. Hit him with a puma." - Vallorn
Image
"Baked fucking potato" - Lord Mountbatten, 2014

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TyrasEngineer
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by TyrasEngineer » 04 Jun 2013, 16:04

and receive a
"My ship! My booty! My collection of autographed sextants! All gone!"
-Guybrush Threepwood
"I'm the pizza delivery dude! The dude with the food!"
-Pepper Roni
Image

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Invunarble
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Invunarble » 04 Jun 2013, 16:05

free vet insurance
Image
"The roses are red, but Invunarble is blue. Hit him with a puma." - Vallorn
Image
"Baked fucking potato" - Lord Mountbatten, 2014

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RobipodSupreme
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by RobipodSupreme » 04 Jun 2013, 16:09

and a tinted
I'm like 80% gayer than when I was on here last
I was a mod once
my discord is Ryin ❄#4444 if you wanna hmu fams
Miss you :(

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Invunarble
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Invunarble » 04 Jun 2013, 16:12

sculpture of Lord_Mountbatten
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"The roses are red, but Invunarble is blue. Hit him with a puma." - Vallorn
Image
"Baked fucking potato" - Lord Mountbatten, 2014

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Sti_Jo_Lew
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by Sti_Jo_Lew » 04 Jun 2013, 16:22

and his lovely
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SMWasder: BEGONE FOUL BEATS, FOR I AM THE DJ OF THE APOCALYPSE

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TyrasEngineer
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Re: Three Word... Commercials?

Post by TyrasEngineer » 04 Jun 2013, 16:27

luxury yacht. Be
"My ship! My booty! My collection of autographed sextants! All gone!"
-Guybrush Threepwood
"I'm the pizza delivery dude! The dude with the food!"
-Pepper Roni
Image

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